365 Day Photo/Video Challenge 2013

I've always wanted to do this - but never stuck to it.  So, here it is - for 2013 - Travis and I will be sharing a picture or video a day every day for the next year, just for fun.  Click on the tab above and it will take you to our 365 Day Photo/Video Challenge blog.  I am still editing it and formatting the blog, so please be patient with me while it is under construction.

Here is my first post on it:

I know the 365 Day Picture Challenge is supposed to be where the author takes a picture every day from something that day for a year.  It is supposed to be for those who want to work on photography skills or who want to be more disciplined in documenting their life.  Honestly, I'm just doing this for my own personal entertainment.

I will be documenting something from each day as a photo journal simply just for fun.  Why did I not start on January 1st?  Because I didn't think about it.

I started taking at least one picture a day on Instagram.  Sometimes, I'll record a video and save it on my computer.  They don't really get stored anywhere.  Often times, they aren't used for anything else.  Why not share my pictures and videos on our blog?  Our blog is about our life together, right?  What the heck, let's see what happens!

I've actually had quite a few friends tell Travis and I that we need to start documenting our lives.  Some people said we should have a YouTube account to share our daily life.  Let me tell you this...  I think I can be pretty boring.  But life with our family and friends is anything but boring!

Who knows, maybe you will find my life is just the average Joe's boring typical life.  Maybe you will find the events that happen to us funny!  Maybe you will get some entertainment out of it, or maybe it will help pass the time.  Which ever is the case, thanks for stopping by!

Feel free to follow us!

I Want to Be A Mommy Too

I have been cleaning the house, doing laundry, and just hanging out on my day off.  I talked to my sister today, and I decided to clean up my computer.  I'm getting rid of old blogs, old websites, old emails (if I can ever figure out the passwords), and deleting old files.  My computer is full of ancestry photos and documents, portfolio stuff for work & from school, and random pictures.  I use my personal computer a LOT for work and volunteering, so I am "Cleaning House" so my computer doesn't get overloaded.  I found an old blog that I never really shared with anyone.  And I found this old post.  I wrote this a few months after my miscarriage.  I just felt like sharing it here.  It was intense emotions that I was feeling at the time. 

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One of the greatest blessings in the world is to have your baby healthy and safe in your arms.  To hear his little footsteps as your toddler runs across the floor.  To hear their giggles turn into a voice.  To smell her and feel her breathing as you rock her to sleep.  Even preparing to have a little one is exciting.  Getting to see the clothes they will soon wear and hear your baby's heartbeat for the first time.  To plan how you will raise your child, even though once the baby arrives, you realize your plans just aren't feasible.  It's dreamy.

For a long time, I felt bitter.  Maybe I still am, and I'll willingly admit it.  When I was 17 years old, a doctor told me that I might not be able to have children.  Being 17, that's a lot to take in.  I'm only a kid with a life to live.  I shouldn't have to worry about whether or not I can have kids right now.  As I got older, I was ok with putting those thoughts on the back-burner.  I lived my life.  I had fun during my wild streak.  I learned a lot of valuable lessons about becoming an adult.  And when I thought I met the man I was going to marry, I saw a different doctor who said the same thing.  "There is a 50/50 chance you will be able to conceive."  I thought I had a solid relationship at the time.  We weren't married or even engaged, but we were in a strong 5-year relationship where all signs were pointing to marriage some day.  So, I broke the news to him.... heartbroken.  I will never forget the day.  After I told him, he watched TV for a minute or two before our friends called asking us to come over and watch a movie.  In the car on the way to our friend's place, he was quiet.  I asked him what he was thinking.  He replied, "I'd like to have a son some day."  I replied very melancholy, "I would like to be a mommy some day."  And that's when I got a slap of reality.

"If you can't have kids, I'd have to think about whether or not I want to be with you."

That relationship went downhill after that conversation.  I moved on with my life and found an amazing guy.  Because of what I had been through in my previous relationship, I decided that when we got serious, I would break the news to him early.  My friends thought I was crazy telling my boyfriend so early when it'll just scare him with the idea of having children.  I didn't care.  I was adamant about not falling head over heels to get hurt the way I was hurt before.  If it is going to end, the earlier the better.  When I told Travis, his reply was, "Oh well.  There's always adoption.  Plenty of children out there need moms."  I was relieved.

After we were married, we found out on our 1 year anniversary that I was expecting.  I was nervous, like any other new mother would be.  I felt confused.  When I was expecting, I had a lot of health issues going on - and all fingers were crossed that this baby would live.  Travis was a nervous wreck - like any other new father would be.  But, he was mostly worried about my health.  We prepared for our little one.  I finally felt ready to be a mom.  Those words both the previous doctors had told me became very real when I lost my baby.  The doctor I had been seeing at this point told me that while I can conceive a child, carrying is going to be a risk.  It is very likely that I will have more miscarriages, and very likely that I will be forced into pre-term labor as early as 6 months.  Having a baby is not going to be an easy feat for me like many other women.  And this is why it is so sensitive for me.

Ellie knows how I feel.

Multiple times, over and over again, I have been told, "It just wasn't meant to be,"  "It's for the best,"  "Maybe you aren't meant to be a mother,"  and the most painful:  "You don't know what being a mother is like."  All of these comments, I cannot understand how they can make me feel better.

It wasn't meant to be?  Like a 14 year old having a baby is meant to be?

"It's for the best."  My baby died, and that was for the best?

"Maybe you aren't meant to be a mother."  Like some drug addict with multiple children is?

For the last comment, my answer is always: "You don't know what it's like to lose a child you wanted." 

People get frustrated with me frequently because this is sensitive to me.  I can't help it.  I would love to be a mom.  Right now, it would be difficult due to our current circumstances, and I am fine with that decision.  But you know, Travis and I are preparing ourselves so that we can try to have children soon. We are in the works of establishing ourselves so that we can provide not just for a child - but for losing another child.  We are preparing for the high risk pregnancy.  We are preparing for the costs that we will endure to have a baby.  We are financially, physically, and emotionally preparing ourselves for whatever is to be thrown our way.  And I don't feel like I should have to apologize for feeling so sensitive about this topic.

How many mothers out there have ever planned how they wanted to raise their children?  How many thought they knew it all before the baby arrived?  A MILLION, probably.  Many soon-to-be parents have made comments like, "I would never have my child eat that" only to find out that if your child is a picky eater, and as long as they eat something, it's better than nothing!  Or, say, "I would never give my child a pacifier that fell on the floor" - and after the child is here, the baby drops their pacifier or hides it in random places and POP it goes right in their mouth.  Or, "I'm going to breast feed and use cloth diapers" only to find that they just can't keep up with it due to their lifestyle or because the baby won't take on to breastfeeding.  It's ok to make plans.  It's ok to have your own ideas of parenting.  It's ok to have your opinions - because more often than not, life lessons will show you if that is even going to work for your child or not.  So, of course, I have my own opinions on parenting.  It doesn't mean I'm right or wrong - it just means that that's my plan as of right now.

I remember talking to my mother about this.  Her reply was, "You don't really know what it is like to be a mom, though."  And I told her my repetitious remark, "well you don't know what it is like to lose a child you wanted."  She went on to say that I can't take those things so personally.  But my question is, why is that if I bring up my opinions on how I want to raise my kids, people disregard me because I "don't have a clue," or they take my opinions offensively because I am "telling parents how to raise their children."  If I have to be so cautious with the words I say to certain people, then why can't others have the same cautious effort with the choice of words they say to me?  If I have to be either considerate of other people's feelings or let them voice their feelings - why can't I have the same?  My mother's answer was spot on:

"Because it's depressing."

Yeah.... it is a sad story.  

And I can't talk about it.

A dear friend of mine and Travis's knows a doctor that works with high risk/complicated pregnancies.  He has worked with intestinal malrotation and my other birth defects - but I have no idea if he has handled them all in one case.  Either way, our friend is going to talk to him and see if we can get an appointment to speak with him.  Travis and I are serious about having kids.  When we have children is still a mystery, but we're going to try to make this work.  I want at least one doctor who is going to look at this in a positive light.  I'm praying that there is a doctor who will say, "You WILL have a baby."  So far, 3 out of 3 doctors haven't given me much positive news.  After all, I'm going on 26.... my clock is ticking and I want to hear something good.

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I remember feeling heartbroken when I wrote it.  Losing Anjelica was a bad dream that came to life.  It was as if all the doctors who told me I couldn't have kids were right.  This was the proof.  And worst of all, I felt less of a woman.  I felt less... human, I guess.  I know during this time I was incredibly confused.  I know I was not in my right mind when I was sick and when we lost our baby.  Everything hit me all at once.  I was mean.  I was bitter.  And I probably hurt a lot of people I shouldn't have, because let's be honest - misery loves company.  I was miserable.  I had racing emotions I couldn't control.  All of the bad memories wouldn't leave me alone.  While I know I can't give excuses for poor behavior, it's the truth.  I am incredibly sorry for anyone I have offended or been rude towards.  That is not me.  That is not my nature.  But I know I did it, and I am holding myself 100% accountable for all the wrong I have done to hurt people's feelings.  It is inexcusable for me to be so bitter and cold, especially towards those who don't deserve it.

Travis and I are not planning on having children yet.  Obviously, we have our goals that we are working to accomplish.  Travis enjoys talking to me about kids.  We talk about how we want to raise them.  He's going to have to be the bad guy, because I have a feeling it's going to be so hard for me to punish my wittle babies, even if they do wrong.  If my child cries, I'll probably turn into a mushy lump and say "I'm so sorry!"  Maybe not... but maybe so.  But we joke frequently, and we talk about what kind of parents we want to be.  Neither of us are ready yet.  For now, when we go out, Travis will let me scope out the baby aisles.  I get to look at adorable baby clothes, and tell Travis how I'm going to dress our children.  I check out baby furniture and live in my dreamy little world.  The best part is:

Travis joins in, too.

Someday... just not today.  And we are completely ok with that.

Close Call! Where's My Cat?

Totally random post, but I just had to share the events that took place on Friday.

I worked late to finish up some big projects at work.  Around 7 PM, I headed home.  It was super windy outside, and I didn't really think anything of it.  I was on the phone with my mother when I pulled into the drive.  Where Travis and I have to park, it's a little parking area Travis and his dad created across the street.  No one lives across the street, and my grandfather-in-law (I'll just call him Grampa from here on out.  That's what we all call him.) owns the property across the street.  It's just a thick wooded area.

So I parked the car, and I wasn't in a rush to get out of the car since it was so cold outside and my car was uber warm.  My mom and I were chatting when all of a sudden I hear a loud crashing sound.  I look up, and a big tree branch falls onto the telephone pole - which then breaks the telephone pole down.  The branch and telephone pole land about 2 feet away from the back end of my car.  I thought it was going to land on my car!  The street went black.  I could see that the power lines were on the road right behind my car.  I couldn't get to the house without crossing the down power line.  I freaked out, and my mother - who was on the phone the entire time - kept saying, "Oh God, don't get out of the car!  Whatever you do, don't get out of the car!"  

I was startled and asked her, "What do I do, Mom?"  She replied, "I don't know.  Call 911!"  So I got off the phone and called 911.  Just then, I heard a knock on my window.  It was Travis's dad, Steve.  What in the world was he doing walking around outside with a down power line?!  He asked if I was ok, and if I saw what happened.  I told him what happened.  After we talked for a few minutes, I could hear the sirens in the distance.  Steve walked off, and there I was in the car alone.  I was too freaked out to try and get out of the car.  Then I saw flashing lights.  Firemen came to the rescue!

Firemen to the rescue!
**Sorry for the blurry, dark photos.**

I had my window down, so when the firemen approached me, they ordered me to stay in my car and told me not to move my car at all.  They walked up and down the street, talked on their walkies and what not.  Then two firemen came up to me.  They asked, "Are you coming or are you going?"  I told them I just got home from work.  They asked where I lived, and I told them "Across the street."  A helicopter flew over with the spotlight shining down.  It kind of felt like a movie....

A few minutes later, the same two firemen came back and said, "If you want to go to the house, go now.  We're taking precautions and we'll walk with you."  I grabbed my things and stepped out.  When I got close to the wire, I told the firemen, "You guys are in these big rubber boots.  I'm in these heels.  Are you sure that once I step onto the pavement that I won't get blown up?"  They laughed and said, "We don't believe it is live."  I responded, "Well, I guess we'll find out in 2 seconds!"  The firemen walked me up to the house, and I didn't get blown up. :P

Firemen blocking off the street.
If you look closely, you can see the power line in the neighbor's yard.

The firemen blocked off the road.  I told them my husband was on his way home from work.  They told me to contact him ASAP and tell him that he had to park on another street and walk around the other way to the house until they got it cleaned up.  I called Travis to let him know.

Another fireman came up to the house and asked me if I reported the incident to 911.  He had another person's name written down, but apparently, there were quick a few calls because the sparks were bright and the crash was loud.  I answered a few questions, and he explained that they were waiting for the electric company to come out.  

Right before he left, I stopped him and said, "I know this is super cliche, but someone let my cat outside - so he's out here.  I saw him right before the whole thing happened.  I'm sure he ran off into the woods, but I'm super worried about him.  If you see a grey cat, he lives here."  The fireman laughed a little and said, "Eh... they've got 9 lives."

I joked with him, saying, "Come on, man... that's my cat!"  He replied, "I'm sure he's fine, but if turns up, we'll bring him home."  I thanked him and went inside.

Of course, I had to post everything on Facebook.  I was wired. (haha, see what I did there?)  My friend, Jess, lives just around the corner from us.  We were talking on Facebook chat, and when I brought up my grey cat, Smokey, she told me a funny story!

Apparently, her girl kitty cat, Nala, is in heat.  Smokey and his homeboy (who is a big orange cat that lives next door to us - we'll call him Charlie) have been hanging out at Jess's place!  They will meow all night and stare in through their windows.  Talk about creepers....  Don't worry, Smokey and Charlie are both neutered.  But, Jess and I carried on for the rest of the night - joking about Smokey/Nala kittens and kitty support.  We think that since Jess is holding some of our furniture in her sunroom until we get a place of our own, Smokey has been coming to her place and hanging out around the sunroom because he smells us.  Poor kitty must get really confused sometimes.  Either way, at least I know if he's not home or next door, he's over at Jess's place.

That was my crazy Friday night!  I'm ok.  My car is ok.  My cat is ok.  It ended up being an ok night!  And I am super thankful that my Guardian Angels were watching out for me.  It could have turned out worse!

He Got a Promotion!

Travis has been working so hard at his job.  He pulls long hours, and he's been working his way up through the ranks in a short amount of time.  Travis works at a local discount factory warehouse - and he started as a temp working in the back putting furniture together.  They hired him full time because he was a hard worker.  After his bosses got to know him, they decided he'd be a better fit on the sales floor during their auctions.  Travis nailed it.  Not only was Travis making great commissions, he still would help out in the back with inventory and set up.  Because of Travis's pure dedication and determination, he has been promoted to Manager in Training!

I'm so proud of him!

Better Than I Thought!

So, all of our hard work and efforts paid off!  Our credit jumped up.  Our debt to income ratio is right where I wanted it at the time being.  AND, we can qualify for more than we originally thought we would.

A dear cousin, Kari, has been giving Travis and I advice about building our credit and paying off our debts so that we can own a home.  The woman is a genius.  I am so totally clueless about this homebuying stuff.  However, Travis and Kari were on the same page the whole time, and they explained things to me in more simpler terms so that I could understand.  There were so many things I learned, I was amazed!

Kari pulled our credit reports and gave us an updated, accurate credit score for each of us.  She sat down with both of us and went through every page on our credit report, telling us what lenders look for.  She pointed out areas that we could fix, and she pointed out areas where we should leave things alone!  I was surprised that there was one thing on our credit report that she told us NOT to touch until after we buy a home.  If we messed with it, it could potentially hurt us because of when it will be reported - and she explained why it would negatively impact us.  This one thing was a collections account.  This debt was actually paid through the hospital between 2008 and 2011.  However, it was not updated on our credit report.  Even though that debt technically does not exist, the agency did not report it to the credit bureaus.  It is not hitting our credit negatively to leave it alone the way it is.  At first, I thought "OMG, that needs to be taken off!"  But Kari explained to me the moment that there is any activity on the account, it will come across as a negative impact on our credit and bring our credit scores down.  She told us to wait until after we buy a home to update it.

Kari also told us where we can dispute things on our credit report.  She told us the best places to talk to in order to handle credit disputes.  There was ONE medical bill that we paid off that had not been reported to the credit bureau.  Unfortunately, because we paid it, it's possible it will bring down our credit score.  But oh well, live and learn.  It'll be ok.  When Kari looked at our previous debts and saw that everything had been paid off completely, she told us we did everything right.  That was a relief to hear!  I was worried that I was messing up.  Kari reassured me that we are not in a terrible position, and because we have a good record of debts being paid in full - even though our credit scores weren't as high as I had wanted them to be - that will look more favorable because it shows we pay off our debts.

She ran our numbers through a program to see how interest rates would fluctuate between FHA and Conventional loans.  She showed us every possible outcome.  She told us the pros and cons for each type, and how they would affect us.  Ironically, where we are, monthly payments won't be much different for either type of loan.  When going through the possible outcomes and different costs of a home and calculating a different percentage for a down payment, we were looking at possibly a $7 - $30 monthly difference between the two.

She asked us if we had been searching for a home at all lately.  I told her one house in the neighborhood we live in that I have had my eye on.  She ran the numbers for both types of loans with the amount the house was selling for and she took taxes into consideration.  This is where I was super surprised.  A Conventional loan was $7/month more than an FHA, but it was also more than likely a better option for us.  Then, we took another home into consideration.  An FHA was a better option for us on that one!  I was really surprised how minor adjustments made a HUGE difference!

After going through adjustments and comparisons, Kari told us that we were "finance-able" where we currently are.  She told us that we could qualify for much more than we originally thought.  Granted, we told her that we were looking for a lower cost home and wouldn't mind doing repairs.  This one really surprised me:  she told us that with where we stand, we should NOT get a house less than $50,000 because insurance and interest would not work in our favor.  The lowest we can look for a house is currently $54,000 without getting hit with huge insurance costs and higher interest rates.  I never thought there would be a minimum amount for getting a better deal.  If you go too low compared to what you qualify for, the bank won't see it as a loan being worth it - and we could potentially get denied because - well - it isn't worth it to invest in that much with where we are.  Interesting....

Again, these were all "approximate" and fairly accurate simulations, but it let us know where we currently stand on getting a home.  Worst case scenario, Travis and I will be home owners in July of this year.  If we continue doing what we are doing, handle a few minor adjustments on our credit reports, we could be homeowners by March!  AHHH!!!

Kari then calculated taxes, down payment, closing costs, appraisal costs, fees, etc. and gave us a total that we need to save for.  It's more or less a "goal" amount for the least that we should save for, and we need to save up that amount and keep it untouched for 2 months.  Only small additions, like $20 or $50 from a paycheck that is easily traced, can go into the savings.

Kari is going to run a few more simulations with another program with a lender.  This is going to tell us where we could be in 3 months up to 6 months.  Kari is going to see how long we should wait to get the best deals, without having to wait forever and not move forward on buying a home this year.  The lender is also going to talk to her about our credit report and give advice on what she would like to see us do before she'd be willing to approve us for certain amounts.  Basically, a lender is telling us what we should do in order to get our credit scores up higher in a short time frame and also what is going to work in our favor this year.

I cannot tell you just how relieved I am!  Travis and I left there feeling so proud of our accomplishments and determined to do whatever we need to in order to put ourselves in an even better position.

Not going to lie, this homebuying process still looks like Greek to me.  But I am glad that I have Kari to hold my hand and mentor me through the process.  Travis is on the same page with Kari - so it makes me feel better knowing that he understands this more than I do.

Here we are... step number 1 towards buying a house is accomplished.  Now on to step 2!

Proposing to the Husband

Previously, on Beautiful Surprise!

Travis and I agreed for Christmas, our gifts to each other were new wedding bands.  Travis's wedding band arrived the other day.  I went to pick it up without him with me, and I came up with a brilliant idea!  Why not propose to my husband just for fun?

I asked a few people what creative suggestions they had.  Everyone gave me some awesome ideas.  I had everything I wanted to say planned out.  I knew I wanted to get down on one knee.  It was going to be the works!

I kept the ring in the box in my purse.  Travis doesn't really go through my purse... ever.  He calls it the endless pit.  BUT, I didn't have my purse zipped up.  It was open and laying on the floor by the bookcase.  I got lazy, what can I say?  Sure enough, Travis came home and lo and behold, there was the box sitting right on top.  ::FACEPALM::

Travis got excited and asked if it was his ring.  I grabbed my purse and tried to hide it from him.  He asked me, "Why can't I have it?  I want to wear it!  Are you planning something?"  I nodded.  He told me that was ok and that he wanted the surprise.  He said he'd wait, but he couldn't wait too long.  This was back on Sunday night.

I still have no idea how to propose, and the poor guy is about to freak.  I'm getting all crazy butterflies.  Jeez... this isn't even for real!  No wonder guys get so worked up about proposing!  I don't know why I'm so shy about it!  I will never give Travis a hard time about his proposal ever again.  I'll definitely share how I propose with all of you.

Anyways, here's his ring!

Facebook Addiction

I am making another promise to myself for 2013.  I am absolutely addicted to Facebook.  I'm on it every. single. day.  It's a horrible habit.  I waste hours of my day on Facebook.  So I am making a promise to only get on Facebook once a week for the entire year.  Yes, it is drastic.  But I need to do something a little drastic.  I am a Facebook addict.

I've realized that Facebook has some upsides to it.  I can reconnect with old friends.  I can stay in touch with long distant family members.  I can share photos for genealogy or even share photos of my adorable nephews and watch cute videos of them dancing or saying a new word.  I stay updated on news going on around my city.  It has its perks.  But because I am on it ALL the time, I've found it brings a lot more harm than good in my life.  Cutting back would bring more of that positivity back because I wouldn't be so exposed to things that bring me negativity.

I see terrible pictures of animal abuse on my newsfeed.  I'm flooded with mean political remarks on their status updates.  I see religious arguments going on between family and friends.  I've always been one who would say that people can post whatever they want on their profile - and they don't have to hear anyone else's opinion.  They could delete posts that disagree with their views.  I think people can have total control over what is on their profile.  If people disagree with that person's stance, they shouldn't take it so personal - and if it offends them, they can just hide the post (with that handy dandy arrow in the top right corner) or stop following the person they find offense to.  If it is super offensive, then they can unfriend the person all together.  Whatever.  People don't always post things on Facebook just to start a fight.  If they do, ignore it.  I don't understand how hard that is.  People are entitled to share their own thoughts and views without being hounded for it - as long as it is on their profile.

However, I do know that if someone posts something on Facebook, they are sharing it.  Knowing that, the person should know that other people are going to probably instigate an argument or throw in their two cents - even if it wasn't asked for.  But you have the right to delete the posts you don't like or continue with the debate.  But every time it goes into a debate, some people just don't have the ability to not take things incredibly personal, even when it was never intended to be personal.

I have become so bitter and anti-social because of Facebook.  I've seen some true colors come out in people that I can't even comprehend.  What's super annoying is people take Facebook out into the real world.  I can't tell you how many times (one particular person comes to mind) where I will share something or say something I agree with, only to be harassed about it outside of Facebook on a daily basis.  Worst part is, I can't run away from it.

Another thing I've learned is that I've shared too much to everyone.  Why does anyone care about what I wore today?  Why does anyone care about seeing Coheed with his Christmas presents?  Why do I have to share what days I'm working and what days I have off?  Why do I have to get on my phone and share a picture immediately even though I'm having dinner with friends? It is absolutely redundant.

I've tried restricting my profile from selected groups.  I've made lists and set up privacy settings for each list.  Even though I'm protecting my page the best I can, not everyone knows how to do this.  So of course, it is automatically assumed that I'm sharing everything with everyone when I'm not.

I know we haven't been handed the smoothest road to travel, but Travis and I are doing ok.  I know this.  I'm ok with that.  But I could be using my time better elsewhere.  I could be doing something more proactive than sitting around in front of a computer screen.  But yet, I sit here... and I see everyone else sharing pictures of their babies, making announcements about a new bun in the oven, showing off the new home they've purchased or giving themselves mad props for getting promoted or a new great job.  I get jealous.  I'll be honest.  Instead of working on bettering me, I'm tearing myself down comparing myself to everyone else's joys.  I don't know why I do it.  I just know that I do it.

Why do I even use Facebook?  I like to stay connected with friends and family that I'm not that close to personally.  I really do enjoy hearing my friend had the perfect proposal.  I love finding out that old friends are having babies.  I like knowing that people are actually succeeding in this world.  People share some really funny things too.  I love to see what everyone has to share.  Except for the negativity and prophesying - it gets overwhelming.  But I can only control what I respond to.  Restricting myself down to one day a week will make me focus more on the positive and fun stuff, because that's what I search for.  It's only when I stick around and get bored do I let the negative things get to me.  I can't let myself do that and make myself more bitter and upset.

I've had a lot of ups and downs lately.  2012 was a rough year - but it was easier than the previous 2 years.  I want 2013 to be better.  I want to better myself in anyway I can.  I am going to force myself to do more drastic things this year to hopefully bring more positivity in my life.  Facebook is the first to be cut down.

So for all of my friends on Facebook, I won't be around as often as I was before.  But you can always call me!  My number is on there!