Saying No

The hardest part of our journey to getting out of debt and back on our feet is saying "no" to family and friends.  We want to spend time with everyone, but it's hard to say, "no, we can't go out and eat at that nice restaurant tonight" or saying, "no, we can't come visit this month."  It's so difficult.  It breaks my heart to tell those I love that we cannot go out and do fun things.  It hurts even worse to tell them I cannot see them.

When you are trying to get out of debt, and your biggest feat is a lack of income, you have to prioritize your time and money.  Soon, we'll be paying back my student loan debt.  We've just established Baby Step #1 in building a $1000 emergency fund.  Yes, we will have income coming in soon.  But we still have bills to pay and a savings to build up for a home.  We have to put money into maintenance on our car.  We have been very lucky that my parents have paid for the car insurance.  We would like that to end.  We also need to save up money so that we can have health insurance.  Gas is super expensive - so traveling is just not in the hand we've been dealt right now.

I know family and friends are not in our shoes, so they don't see it like we do.  I know they don't mean any harm.  But there comes a point in time where they get tired of hearing "sorry, no."  We've tried to balance everything the best we can.  It's just hard to please everyone.  I wish that people would give us a little more time.  It isn't like we don't appreciate our family and friends.  We want to spend as much time as possible with each and every one of them.  But we just cannot afford it.  Everyone else is established in their lives.  We've cut back drastically.  This year is dedicated to getting on our feet.  I know many people don't understand it completely.  I try to stay in touch through e-mails, Facebook, and phone calls. I try to explain that it isn't because I don't like them or that I'm not upset with them.  But here is the time where that brick wall hits.  They think we don't want them in our lives because we cannot afford to travel.  They think we don't want to spend time with them because we never go out with them.  And it's always the same reason:  we cannot afford it right now.  When that time comes, it's hard on everyone.  Others see this as an excuse.  We say will come see them as soon as we can afford it - but it comes across like broken, empty promises - even though it is genuine.  After all, how many times does it take before you get tired of hearing the same excuse?

I'm not upset with anyone because I understand how they feel.  At times, I'm at a loss for what to say.  Some individuals have been pretty harsh towards us.  Some have created a huge fiasco over it that I have officially pulled myself away.  It makes me feel bad when they refuse to see things from my point of view.  It isn't like debt is going to go away overnight.  It isn't like we'll have extra money to spend in a snap.  But here's a great perspective that I have....

My father once told me, "it's more convenient to see everyone else than it is for them to see you."  This is a sarcastic comment.  It means that some people expect YOU to go out of your way to see THEM.  Not once does it cross their minds to say, "I know they've hit a rough patch financially.  Maybe I'll go see them and we can do something that doesn't cost money."

Dave Ramsey talked about this on one of his talk shows.  He said that there comes a time where you have to start saying no if you want to get out of debt.  You have to learn how to say no to people.  It is easy to rack up debt and blow money when you go out with the people you enjoy being around.  Think about it.  A couple of close friends ask you to go out one night.  What happens?  You are more inclined to spend money you cannot risk spending.  You might buy an adult beverage to be social.  You might go to a nice restaurant and spend $12-15 on your meal.  You might feel more inclined to go out to see a movie.  That money adds up - especially when you have an "income problem."

Not everyone is going to understand.  It's a hard road to travel.  But you have to keep telling yourself, "this will all be worth it in the end."  Don't fall back into old habits.  Now is the time to keep pressing forward.  Later on, those who truly care will see where you have been and what you accomplished.  There will be a day where you won't have to worry about gas for traveling.  When that day comes, everyone will see it.  You won't have to say anything.  For those that don't get it when that day arrives... well, you can decide where the relationship will go from there.

Baby Step #1: Accomplished.

After quite a hectic run around with my financial aid, I finally received my grant refund.  With that money, the Hubster and I put $1000 directly into our Emergency Fund.  That fulfills Baby Step #1 from Dave Ramsey's Seven Baby Steps.  We are now working towards paying off our credit card debt.  Our credit card debt is very small.  It isn't even $1000, which is why we decided to pay these off.   That shouldn't take long at all!

After we pay off the credit cards, we need to get another car.  Some may say that is a ridiculous idea, but we cannot keep juggling one car.  Having that single car run constantly between the both of us is adding miles to the car and wearing down on it.  Already, we need to put some maintenance into it just to keep it running so much.  So, with the remaining amount after paying bills is going straight into fixing the car.  It's a great car.  It's been amazing.  But the poor car has been working way more than it should be.  And it's showing.

WOO HOO!  We made it through Baby Step #1!  On to Baby Step #2....

Listening to the Radio

I don't know why, but I love listening to the radio.  Something about the radio is intriguing.  A friend of mine co-hosts a financial radio show a couple times a week.  He truly believes Dave Ramsey is a genius.  We also have a cousin that is a financial consultant - and he also says Ramsey is brilliant.  As of right now, hubster and I cannot buy the Dave Ramsey books or pay for the Financial Peace classes.  Not yet.  Dave Ramsey books are on my birthday/Christmas lists.  Whenever people ask me what I want for my birthday or Christmas, I tell them I want a Dave Ramsey book.

Until then, we are following everything available on Dave Ramsey's website.  This includes the live radio archives!  I like it a lot.  I can listen to the radio online on my down time while playing around on the internet (like Facebook).  It's so convenient.  The radio show is live Monday through Friday 2-5 PM EST.  If you can't listen to it live, they have an awesome archive.  You can listen to any show anytime that is convenient for you!

The first radio show I listened to was Friday, August 12, 2011.  It was interesting.  Dave Ramsey had a few people call in to exclaim that they are debt free.  These are people who have went through Ramsey's steps and managed to get out of debt.  I really liked hearing it.  It was nice to know that people who were in greater debt than we are finally managed to pay off their debt.  It was inspirational.  I already know what the hardest part is going to be in our venture....  saying no.

The first couple on the radio show said this was the hardest part.  They have a very social group.  Everyone in their group took trips, went out to eat, and spent money on social gatherings.  They had to force themselves to say no whenever the social opportunities arose.  Their friends would ask them to go out, and they had to say no.  OMG - this sounds just like us.

We have a very social group.  Our friends love to go out, hang out, spend money, and have been known to go on spontaneous adventures.  I will admit - we did that too!  It wasn't smart.  Our families are the same!  They are very social people, and they always have something to do.  Our families and close friends are also in other cities and states.  Traveling costs a lot of money to visit.  My hubby is a social, fun-loving guy.  He cannot say no to his family and friends.  He always gives in because he loves them and wants to see them all.  He's a free spirit.  But now it's discipline time.  We have to say no.  If we want to get where we want to go, we have to say no to our friends and family.  It's going to be the hardest thing to do.  We are going to do this.  No isn't a bad word.  It's a stepping stone.

Another couple we talking about how they had to settle down, buckle down and get organized.  The wife said her marriage became greater, their life became better, and she said, "The gotcha's don't getcha anymore."  I cannot wait to be in that position.

Dave Ramsey also recommended setting up a will.  My husband and I do not have wills.  It would be a smart move.  This is where this post turns depressing.  In the past year, I almost died twice.  My husband almost died in 2007.  We've been there.  We've seen it.  It's scary.  With my birth defect, it is scary.  There is a chance that Volvulus can occur - and there really isn't anything I can do or prepare for.  Scary, huh?  Life happens, and when it happens, you feel lost.  So, maybe today isn't the best day to set up a will.  But Dave Ramsey suggested going to this site:  uslegalforms.com/dave.  This is definitely something I will be looking into.  Only $15 to have a decent will... it doesn't sound half bad.

Baby Step 1: Build An Emergency Fund

Our current goal right now is to follow the Seven Baby Steps offered by Dave Ramsey.  We're starting today!

So, baby step #1: build an emergency fund.  Sounds easy.  But that emergency fund is $1000.  We have $0 in our savings.  It is up to us right now to pay off the minimum payments towards all our bills.  We have to continue paying for our monthly expenses, such as rent, electric, food, gas, etc.  So, thinking about it, this is going to take a little while.  Once we can build this emergency fund, we'll be able to have something to fall back on in case something happens.  To help us get there, we are selling my husband's car.  Two cars is a luxury, and we cannot afford the maintenance and insurance on his car.  We're also selling some furniture and random items.  I hold on to my books.  I love my books.  But I'm even going to sell them.  I want a library some day, so I see this opportunity as a temporary separation.  I don't *need* them.  I just want them.  So there's the difference.

At the top of the post section, I have a handy dandy ticker dedicated to savings that I got from Ticker Factory online.  It's great because you enter in the amount you need to save, and whenever you add to your savings, you can add it onto your ticker!  I'm going to have tickers for every step.  I think I will get a much more satisfaction seeing all the tickers completed.  Plus, I have you lovely readers to keep us on track!

We are also using the budget sheets available on Dave Ramsey's website.  We are going to do this!  This is the first step towards building our nest!

Introduction

Hello!

Today begins the day that my husband and I are starting over.  We've had a very rough patch in life.  This blog is mainly for us to track where we've been and where we are going.  It's to monitor our success, a place to vent our worries, to praise our hard efforts, and get us motivated to get where we are going.  I'd glad you have come here to join us!  The work it takes to get on your feet again after a hard time is agonizing.  Sometimes, it feels impossible.  But to stand up and face the impossible makes anyone brave.  Everything in life comes back to money.  It's a shame.  It shouldn't.  There's an amazing quote that I always think of when I hear people talk about money.

"Only when the last tree has died and the last river has been poisoned and the last fish been caught will we realize we cannot eat money."

- Cree Indian Proverb

It makes you think.  But unfortunately, you cannot survive without some kind of currency.  

I was never taught how to manage money or how to budget.  Sometimes, I found balancing money very confusing.  I figured out a system real quick when I had to move out on my own.  I never lived out of my means and I worked hard for every penny that I earned.  When my husband (fiance at the time) became ill and almost died of bacterial meningitis, his medical bills really put him in debt because he didn't have health insurance.  Luckily, the hospital offered financial assistance for those who honestly could not afford the bills.  Unfortunately, it didn't cover all the bills.  I was also experiencing health issues (which were misdiagnosed as endometriosis).  I had been dropped from my parents' insurance, and I myself quickly racked up medical bills for treatments.  I wasted my money on a health benefits plan that didn't pay for anything.  Our medical bills combined became overwhelming.  We took money out of our savings accounts including our wedding fund to pay off the bills.  With my health becoming a risk, my husband and I married at the Justice of the Peace because we couldn't qualify for any assistance as independents (unless I had a child, which was not in our plans at the time).  We gave up hope for a wedding because it was not in the cards we were dealt.  

My health got worse, and I had a insurance plan (even though it wasn't anything great, it was better than nothing).  I had a heart attack at 24 years old due to a congenial birth defect called intestinal malrotation. My health continued to get worse, and medical bills piled up again.  I was forced to withdraw from college and quit my job - leaving us on a single income and more debt than we could afford.  If it wasn't for local food pantries and the generosity of our family members, we wouldn't have survived when my husband was laid off from his job.

I found out I had become pregnant, and my health continued to decline.  It wasn't until I was pregnant that I found out I had struggled with E. coli for months.  I was treated for it, and Hoosier Healthwise paid for my pregnancy.  Unfortunately, we lost our daughter on April 5, 2011.  I had complications from the miscarriage, and I hemorrhaged.  My ER visit for the hemorrhaging was not covered under my pregnancy plan because I had miscarried 3 days prior and the doctor decided to not put the medical code saying my visit was pregnancy related.  I fought for months, even got a patient's advocate, but the doctor still wouldn't budge.  Without that code, my pregnancy insurance would not cover my visit.  My mother graciously helped me pay off some of the medical bills that acquired during this difficult year.  

My husband and I struggled to find decent jobs to get by.  I set up payment plans for all the medical bills.  My husband waited for three months for unemployment to approve his status.  We are still waiting, one month later, to receive his unemployment.  By the grace of God, the company my husband worked for was sold to new management, and he got his job back.  I found a job, working part-time at a burger joint.  They couldn't hire me as full-time.  

I am going back to college for my senior year.  I qualified for many grants and financial aid to cover my final year in college.  I am still waiting to hear whether or not I qualify for work-study.  If so, I have a possible work-study position available to me at the Career Center on campus.  I also signed up for tuition reimbursement for the semester I had to withdraw from college.  I won't find out if my appeal is approved until after September 6, 2011.  If I do receive reimbursement, I will have to wait another 45 days to actually get my money back.  

The economy is rough.  It's rough for everyone right now.  We are in a crunch, living paycheck to paycheck.  We're even behind on some bills.  We literally have about $50 in our bank accounts.  Once my husband receives his unemployment, we should be caught up on our bills that are behind.  

Now that we are working our way out of our current quicksand of financial stress, we are setting up budgets and working towards building our little nest.  We have so many things that we need to pay off, and many things that we need to save up for.  We are literally starting here with nothing.  So now is the best time to get a plan put into action.  This is what this blog is for.

We are following guidelines from Dave Ramsey currently.  We plan to follow the Baby Step program and see what happens.  It couldn't hurt.  So, this blog is dedicated towards our nest egg.  This blog is dedicated to building our nest so that we can officially live our lives.  I hope readers will find this blog as a useful tool to getting out of those difficult times.