Quitting Again

Today marks the 6th time I have attempted to quit smoking.  Yes, some know, I am a frequent smoker. I have no idea what to expect this time around.  Will it work?  Can I do it?  No idea.

I now have an electronic cigarette and Nicorette gum (4 mg).  Let's see how this goes.

Today was the first evening I gave it a shot.  I chew on a piece of gum that was surprising good!  I bought a flavored kind of gum that tastes a lot like Wintergreen gum.  It burned a little bit, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  I just stopped chewing when it burned.

Travis still smokes.  He had a cigarette when I was chewing the gum - and lo and behold, I didn't have a single craving for one.  Later in the night, when the gum no longer burned and started to lose flavor, I made a BIG mistake.

I decided what would one cigarette do?  It's like winging myself off, right?  Over time, I should crave smoking less and less.... I think.  I lit up a cigarette and started puffing.

OMG!

Talk about nicotine!  I couldn't even smoke the damn thing!  I felt so incredibly sick.  I tossed out the cigarette and felt like I was going to vomit.  Luckily, a friend we were hanging out with tonight rushed and got me a bottled water.  I have never enjoyed the taste of water as much as I did tonight.

So I won't be doing that again!  I'm thinking this gum is going to work!  And in the car, because I have a habit of smoking - I have my e-cig to help.  That is... if I'm not chewing the gum!  YIKES!

OK, you might be wondering why it has taken me 6 times to quit smoking.  I'll gladly give you some back story about smoking.  When I was a young adolescent, I thought smoking was cool.  My relatives had tobacco farms (and still do), and they sell tobacco to Phillip Morris.  I grew up around smokers - even though neither of my parents smoked.  My grandfather's ex-wife would buy me a carton when I was 12 years old to sneak back home in my luggage.  I thought I was so cool.  My sister, friends, and I would sneak away on our country property to "hike" or "ride bikes".  If someone's parents weren't home, we were "hanging out" or "studying".  My parents were not dumb.  They could smell it.  They would steal our packs and throw them out.  But I could always get more.  It became a habit to steal my friend's mother's packs.  We would sneak around and steal cigarettes from adults that smoked around us.  And I still had my connection to my grandpa's ex-wife that bought me cartons.

We were not smoking every day.  It was just something exciting and made us feel like we were grown up.  Why we wanted to grow up so fast, I don't know.  It didn't become habitual until my friends and I started driving.  It was our chance to smoke a cigarette before or after school - and we would hose the interior of the car with perfume or sprays to cover up the smell.

I quit smoking for the first time when I turned 18 - ironically.  I just lost interest in it.  I also no longer had my free connections and I didn't want to pay for cigarettes.  I had quit cold turkey for 3 years.

When I turned 21, I was living with my boyfriend and going to college.  I was around smokers all the time.  I went out to parties and I did what a lot of dumb college kids do - go to bars.  I didn't have a problem not smoking until I realized everyone around me smoked.  All of my friends were smoking and my boyfriend was smoking, too.  My boyfriend told me it was OK to smoke socially - just as long as it didn't become a habit.  All of my friends were saying, "One cigarette won't kill ya."  So, I caved to fit in, and I started smoking again.

Quitting #2:  I stopped cold turkey after I met my husband.  I was pressed for cash, and I didn't feel satisfied with a cigarette anymore.  I had no problems - until someone lit up a cigarette and I could smell it.  That stage did not last long.  I was back to smoking again.

The third time I quit was when I was 24.  I found out about my birth defect when I experienced volvulus.  I had to have an upper endoscopy done.  During my endoscopy, they found tar in my esophagus.  They took pictures and showed it to me.  After looking at it and seeing that the tar was my own doing - I felt disgusting.  I saw the damage I was doing to myself.  Not long after that, I found out I was pregnant.  I quit cold turkey for the baby.  This time, I had strong cravings for a cigarette.  It felt like I was going to tackle someone that smelled like cigarette smoke.  Whenever I saw a pack of cigarettes, I was so tempted to take one and light up.  When I miscarried, I lost all the care in the whole entire world.  I didn't care about the tar.  I didn't care about cancer.  I didn't care about anything. AT. ALL!  I began smoking much more heavily than I ever had before.  I was up to a pack and a half every day.  Let's just say, my finances were terrible.  I was going broke to have a cigarette.

I quit for the fourth time when I started pulling myself back together.  I was 25 years old.  I tried doing the electronic cigarette.  I was successful for maybe... a month.  The electronic cigarette became my "in-between packs" smoke.

The fifth time was when we moved to Fort Wayne.  I was determined to quit.  I tried gum.  I tried eating more.  I tried being active.  Nothing could satisfy my craving.  Travis tried to quit with me.  We relied on the electronic cigarette when we were really having nicotine fits.  We were successful for maybe... a few months (3 max).  I don't know why or how - but we began smoking again.

So here I am - at my 6th attempt to quit.  I don't like the smell.  I don't like the cravings.  I don't like how it makes your teeth and nails yellow.  I don't like my throat hurting.  I don't like the taste.  I feel guilty every time I smoke.  I hate the stale smell in my car.  I hate the trash it leaves behind.  I hate it.  I've lost so many important people in my life due to cancer from smoking.  And it breaks my dad's heart to see me smoke.  I hate doing that to him.  I also hate the fact that I cannot work a full day without having to run outside for a cigarette.  Sure, I like the break - but I hate having to sit out by the smelly dumpster just to get my fix.  If I want a career, I can't be running outside all the time to take a puff.  It makes me look unreliable when I am not readily available to do my job while I am there.  Plus, I get cranky all the time without a cigarette.  How can something so small have so much power of my character?  How can it control so much of my day?  And I really hate being told I smell like a cigarette.  I hate having headaches when I go too long without nicotine.  I hate how expensive it is.  All around - I am just tired of it.  And if I want to have children some day - smoking is only going to complicate it.  I have enough issues with carrying a baby that I don't need to add anything else to it to make it worse.  I need to get my health back in control.  I need to quit.  I want to quit.  I'm hoping this works.

Facebook Addiction

I am making another promise to myself for 2013.  I am absolutely addicted to Facebook.  I'm on it every. single. day.  It's a horrible habit.  I waste hours of my day on Facebook.  So I am making a promise to only get on Facebook once a week for the entire year.  Yes, it is drastic.  But I need to do something a little drastic.  I am a Facebook addict.

I've realized that Facebook has some upsides to it.  I can reconnect with old friends.  I can stay in touch with long distant family members.  I can share photos for genealogy or even share photos of my adorable nephews and watch cute videos of them dancing or saying a new word.  I stay updated on news going on around my city.  It has its perks.  But because I am on it ALL the time, I've found it brings a lot more harm than good in my life.  Cutting back would bring more of that positivity back because I wouldn't be so exposed to things that bring me negativity.

I see terrible pictures of animal abuse on my newsfeed.  I'm flooded with mean political remarks on their status updates.  I see religious arguments going on between family and friends.  I've always been one who would say that people can post whatever they want on their profile - and they don't have to hear anyone else's opinion.  They could delete posts that disagree with their views.  I think people can have total control over what is on their profile.  If people disagree with that person's stance, they shouldn't take it so personal - and if it offends them, they can just hide the post (with that handy dandy arrow in the top right corner) or stop following the person they find offense to.  If it is super offensive, then they can unfriend the person all together.  Whatever.  People don't always post things on Facebook just to start a fight.  If they do, ignore it.  I don't understand how hard that is.  People are entitled to share their own thoughts and views without being hounded for it - as long as it is on their profile.

However, I do know that if someone posts something on Facebook, they are sharing it.  Knowing that, the person should know that other people are going to probably instigate an argument or throw in their two cents - even if it wasn't asked for.  But you have the right to delete the posts you don't like or continue with the debate.  But every time it goes into a debate, some people just don't have the ability to not take things incredibly personal, even when it was never intended to be personal.

I have become so bitter and anti-social because of Facebook.  I've seen some true colors come out in people that I can't even comprehend.  What's super annoying is people take Facebook out into the real world.  I can't tell you how many times (one particular person comes to mind) where I will share something or say something I agree with, only to be harassed about it outside of Facebook on a daily basis.  Worst part is, I can't run away from it.

Another thing I've learned is that I've shared too much to everyone.  Why does anyone care about what I wore today?  Why does anyone care about seeing Coheed with his Christmas presents?  Why do I have to share what days I'm working and what days I have off?  Why do I have to get on my phone and share a picture immediately even though I'm having dinner with friends? It is absolutely redundant.

I've tried restricting my profile from selected groups.  I've made lists and set up privacy settings for each list.  Even though I'm protecting my page the best I can, not everyone knows how to do this.  So of course, it is automatically assumed that I'm sharing everything with everyone when I'm not.

I know we haven't been handed the smoothest road to travel, but Travis and I are doing ok.  I know this.  I'm ok with that.  But I could be using my time better elsewhere.  I could be doing something more proactive than sitting around in front of a computer screen.  But yet, I sit here... and I see everyone else sharing pictures of their babies, making announcements about a new bun in the oven, showing off the new home they've purchased or giving themselves mad props for getting promoted or a new great job.  I get jealous.  I'll be honest.  Instead of working on bettering me, I'm tearing myself down comparing myself to everyone else's joys.  I don't know why I do it.  I just know that I do it.

Why do I even use Facebook?  I like to stay connected with friends and family that I'm not that close to personally.  I really do enjoy hearing my friend had the perfect proposal.  I love finding out that old friends are having babies.  I like knowing that people are actually succeeding in this world.  People share some really funny things too.  I love to see what everyone has to share.  Except for the negativity and prophesying - it gets overwhelming.  But I can only control what I respond to.  Restricting myself down to one day a week will make me focus more on the positive and fun stuff, because that's what I search for.  It's only when I stick around and get bored do I let the negative things get to me.  I can't let myself do that and make myself more bitter and upset.

I've had a lot of ups and downs lately.  2012 was a rough year - but it was easier than the previous 2 years.  I want 2013 to be better.  I want to better myself in anyway I can.  I am going to force myself to do more drastic things this year to hopefully bring more positivity in my life.  Facebook is the first to be cut down.

So for all of my friends on Facebook, I won't be around as often as I was before.  But you can always call me!  My number is on there!

What Do I Want to Be When I Grow Up

For 2013, I'm going to get more active in a career path.  I'll admit it.  I haven't been that adamant about finding what it is I want to be when I grow up.  Even in college, I didn't have a clue.  I took useless classes that made me take the Meyers Briggs Type Indicator test, the Holland's Social Code, and I spent countless hours in the Career Development Center talking with advisors and looking through their library.  Then I thought I wanted to get into social media and marketing... but really, it isn't what suits my fancy.  I actually like having an office job not in advertising or marketing.

I have a great opportunity where I work.  It is a newly created position.  I'm the first.  Right now, I'm managing social media sites, assisting in sales and event planning, putting together flyers and going to bridal shows, managing a website, and helping create new menus and handbills.  I've even written radio advertisements and press releases.  However, there is no job description, so it can get overwhelming at times since we don't technically know what my duties are.  It's mostly administrative work, which is fine.  I'm grateful that I have a job, I love my coworkers, and I can say I enjoy what I'm doing.  What's even more great is that I have control over what this position really entails.  I could take my career in any direction I want.  But that's the question... what do I need to be doing?  What is it that I'm called to do?

I've debated about going back to college to pursue a Master's - but I'm not even sure what I want to do. I get a little jealous sometimes because I see people my age or younger than me who are moving forward in their careers.  I recently spoke to my family this past weekend.  Everyone said the same thing:  I'm holding myself back.

How am I holding myself back and why?
What am I holding back from?
What more could I be doing?
What do I need to be doing?
What do I even want to do?

I have no idea.  I wish someone could point me in the right direction.  I'm clueless.  I know what I want in regards to a job - but I don't know what fit.  I know I want to have benefits.  I know I want to have a salary job.  I work 20 hours one week and 60 hours the next.  I like that flexibility and know I'll still be able to pay my bills.  Plus, I don't like having to stop in the middle of something to prevent going into overtime.  I hate sales and really don't like commission jobs.  I know right now I need some supervision, just to make sure I'm on the right track.  I like working in groups.  I don't mind having to work my way up from the bottom.  I like knowing that there could be a promotion or a raise for my hard efforts.

So, I'm really interested in hearing how people came to the conclusion of what they were going to do.  When did you realize what you wanted to do?  How did you choose it?  How did you know that it would make you happy?  When you first entered the workforce after graduating, how did you know where to look?

Bumps in the Road

Trying to become established in this kind of job market and economy has really proven to me to be a vicious circle.  I feel so stuck sometimes.  Here I am, working full time for no benefits - but with a chance to move up in the company.  I don't really have any idea where this is going to take me and for how long I will have to work before I get advanced.  I know two women in the company have been waiting to retire, but they have been so short-staffed and overworked, that the possibility to retire is not available to them.... That is until I arrived.  So I am being trained for their jobs.  But with my previous work experience and with my degree, I have no idea where I am going since other opportunities are arriving every day.  I'd hate to say it because I love everyone I work with, but all of my coworkers have told me this regularly:  I'm over-qualified for all the jobs in this company.  I have to agree.  However, I'll do whatever I need to in this economy to build my experience for a better future for my family.

Travis is working hard in school.  He finished his math class 2 weeks early, which is no surprise to me. He loves math.  It's his Art History class that he can't seem to grasp.  I guess that is the engineer in him. Luckily, his fall semester is mostly math and science.  Travis also got a manager position part-time to work around his school schedule at a place that specializes in kayaking, boating, hiking, and extreme sports (mostly water sports).  Throughout the summer, they have a variety of sporting events.  I know Travis will love this.

I cannot lie and say that I'm extremely happy with where we are.  My student loans are going to get more expensive and I am not sure we can afford it.  Paying off the credit cards has become an endless feat.  We still have one more medical bill to pay off, granted it is only $500.  Some people may think we are careless with money because my credit isn't that great.  My credit has been hit multiple times for multiple reasons.  First, when I was sick, the medical debt almost destroyed my 680 credit score.  I have only had 1 credit card my entire life, and the max amount on it was $500.  I had to use it to pay rent one month, so it maxed out.  I tried to get another credit card to use only for gas so that I could increase my credit... but I was denied.  Travis only has one credit card, and it's debt is only $200.  When Travis and I were seeing opportunities with his company and he was promised a promotion, we began house hunting because Travis's credit score was great.  Due to my student loans and our limited income, we qualified for $70,000.  Not long after that, Travis was laid off.  So, needless to say, we didn't buy a house.  When I graduated, we moved in with family in Fort Wayne.  As I job searched, majority of companies were hitting my credit score even more.  It seemed like every time I applied for a job, I had to agree to a credit check.  When asked if I could print off a copy as to not hit my credit score, I was told no.  We wanted to get an apartment or a house or some place to live, but out of fear for being denied based on our credit scores, we don't want to risk more hits to our credit.  I've heard many people say that bad credit is better than no credit.  While that may be true, having bad or no credit still feels impossible to get established.  It looks like our goals of buying a home this year are not going to happen.  Next year, when my student loan payments rise, I'm afraid that we still are not going to be able to buy a house, especially with the income we both produce.  And to look for a new job, I'm afraid my credit will only get beaten up more just for applying.

But on a brighter note, Travis was able to sell his old car!  It only sold for $350, but it sure helped.  We hadn't gone on a date, so we used the money for a nice dinner, movie, and because I absolutely love fairs and festivals, we spent about $20 towards a day at the Three Rivers Festival.  At the festival, Travis gave me a brilliant idea!  I should start a blog about sweet stuff.  I love sweets!  I have a horrible sweet tooth.  So I am going to give it a try.  When I put the blog together, I will definitely post a link when it is ready for its debut.  So keep a look out for the Sweetest Blog on the Block!

Keeping My Options Open

Ever feel like you could be doing something more?  Ever feel like you are more valuable?  Well, luckily, that's how I have been feeling.

I absolutely adore my job at the zoo.  I'm just an intern.  I don't get paid to work from 8 AM to 5 PM every day I am there (which is 3 days a week).  But I wake up early and look forward to going to work there.  I love the people I work with.  I love being around animals, even the creepy, crawling ones.  I love the work I am doing.  I cannot think of any negative thing about the job - except that it will end when April ends.  I love this place so much, I do not want to leave.  Tuesday, I cut my eye pretty bad.  It's ok.  It's just taking time to heal.  But, yesterday, when the doctor told me to stay home and rest my eye - I still went into the office at the zoo to talk to everyone.  Right after I left the doctor's office, I went straight to the zoo because I didn't want them worrying about me and I wanted to fill them in on everything.  I didn't get to stay and work, and that made me sad.  I hated not being there.

Don't get me wrong, I love my actual job.  I work for an auction company with really great people.  However, I feel like there is more I could be doing.  And I know when we renegotiate my salary, I might not get the wage I am looking for.  I could be doing more and getting paid more.  I'll definitely hang out there for a while, but I feel like this is holding me back from what I could be doing.

For months, a financial advising company that is well known in Fort Wayne has been contacting me.  At first, they wanted me to apply for the recruiting coordinator position.  I applied, but didn't get the position.  However, one of the leading partners for the company still contacted me relentlessly.  He asked me to apply for a new position the company has created.  It is Marketing & Client Relations - and I will be working alongside the partner of the company.  From the job description, it sounds like something that is up my alley.  Literally, it sounds like they looked at my resume and created this position tailored to me.  So I sent in my updated resume and I have an interview this week.  This company has been rated in the top 20 companies to work for in Fort Wayne, and they are offering a "lucrative" salary with benefits. Can't beat that, huh?

Well, before I injured my eye on Tuesday, the education department had their weekly meeting at the zoo.  That is the department I intern for, so I attend the meetings as well.  At the meeting, we were gathering dates for everyone's vacation, holidays, etc.  The PR and Communications Director asked when my internship ends.  I shrugged at looked at my supervisor - the Volunteer Coordinator - and I asked her.  She joked saying, "you never put in a day, so we're just going to keep you all summer."  In response, I said, "good, I don't want to leave."  Then, the Education Coordinator, my buddy, Kristin says, "Hey, why don't you apply for Rebecca's job?"

No joke, this feels like serendipity.  What is Rebecca's job?  She is the Development Assistant at the zoo.  Her job requires client relations between the zoo's education department and sponsors and donors, she manages budgets for events and programs, and she does the more detailed office work of what I currently do at the zoo.  I'm a PR and event planning intern.  I just create all the fun stuff and implement it.  Her job is managing the funds and detailed paperwork of the events.  She does this for all education programs.  On the plus side, I could continue making videos for the zoo.

After Kristin's brilliant idea, everyone in the room was saying, "Do it!"  I didn't know Rebecca was offered another job elsewhere that was closer to home and paid a little bit more.  She didn't want to leave the zoo, however she wasn't going to turn down a great opportunity.  After the meeting, I walked up to Rebecca and I asked her if she would mind me job shadowing her for a day.  She's an absolute sweetheart, so of course she said, "sure!"  I sat there beside her and she showed me a little bit of what she was working on.  She had put together a detailed packet on how to do everything at the job so that the next person who came wouldn't be lost.  Rebecca filled me in on what she does and she said to me, "I know what you do for your internship, and you are very good at it.  You would be great at this position."  They are looking for someone to start right away - thinking the first week of May.  Um... hello - perfect timing?!  I went ahead and applied for the position.

Kristin and the volunteer coordinator were saying that if I get the job, I have to join them 2 nights a week with the rest of the "Zumba Zoo Crew" for Zumba nights.  Fine by me!  For the rest of the day after I had talked to Rebecca, Kristin and Susie (another sweet lady at the office) seemed really excited.  They filled me in on everything.  They said, "don't take the job if it isn't something you want to do.  But this is what the zoo offers in benefits...."  I told the girls that it would really come down to the dollar signs - but my heart automatically leans towards the zoo.  I have to keep my options open and think of Travis and I. So I will continue putting out my resume to different places, go to interviews, and see if I get any offers.  Travis and I will discuss each job that is offered to me, and I'll choose which place is the best decision.

I did tell the volunteer coordinator that if I don't get the job, I would like to volunteer.  She seemed super happy about that. :)

Enjoying a Bit of House Hunting

Ok, so we aren't officially looking to buy a home.  Well... maybe.  That is, if all goes well and according to plan.  Currently, we live in a really nice neighborhood with my husband's dad and grandfather.  I wouldn't mind staying in this neighborhood.  After all, it is a sought after area of town.  Houses don't really go up for sale often, which means people move in and stay.  When a house does go up for sale, let's just say, they don't last long on the market.

Today, Travis went off to work.  I was bored, so I took a drive around in this part of town.  I saw quite a few "For Sale" signs.  I grabbed a piece of paper, a pen, and I started jotting down the addresses and who was the realtor.  I came home and jumped onto my laptop.  I looked up each house.  Only 1 out of the 5 houses was not in our original budget.

A while back, Travis and I thought that we were going to buy a house in Bloomington.  Good thing we didn't.  We were racking up some serious medical debt, and our credit was far under par.  However, a good friend of mine is a broker in Bloomington.  She found out that we qualified for $70,000.  Yeah, that's not much - but we are first-time home buyers AND our credit was out of wack at the time.  Since then, we've used $70,000 as our budget for when we do decide to buy a home - regardless if we qualify for more.  It's good to have a number in mind, even if it isn't the actual number now.  Besides, we don't have to take out a loan for more than what we really should.  We're being frugal here.

So, $70,000 was my budget.  Only 1 was over that (and that was $99,900 - and trust me, the outside of the house didn't look like it was worth $99,900).  The other 4 houses were jaw droppers.  I was surprised how much they were after looking at them in person.  Granted, I'm sure they are going to be fix uppers.  But with a family of construction workers and DIY'ers, I'm not too worried about some fixing up.  I'd rather fix it up just the way I want it anyways.  All four houses were LESS that $70,000.  And here's why:

Most houses in this neighborhood were built in the 50's and 60's.  The families that built these homes stayed in them until they passed or moved into an elderly home.  Families don't leave this area.  But when a person passes away or moves into an elderly home - the children are desperate to get rid of the house.  Yes, the homes have some wear and tear on them - but they are very nice family homes.  They are great starter homes.  And after having friends move into this area previously, we can see that most homes are not money pits.  This area of town has a great reputation.  The prices on these homes drop quickly because the family members cannot afford to keep a second home that their parents' owned.

Here I am getting all excited.  Travis asked me the other day how I felt about buying a home instead of renting.  That's a huge step to take - and honestly, I'm scared because I don't know a thing about home buying.  But believe me, I would love to have a home to call our own - to have a place where we can settle ourselves down and live for years.  In this upcoming year, we made a promise to get established before the year ends.  We made a promise that living with family members is temporary.  In 2012, Travis and I will be getting careers.  Travis already has a pretty decent job.  I'm getting interviews.  Maybe buying a home is a step in the right direction.  I'm not talking about buying a home tomorrow or next week or next month.  But after I get a career and we establish ourselves with a decent income, maybe it wouldn't hurt to keep our eyes open for a home.  Maybe it wouldn't hurt to go to a broker and look around.  We can take our time.  We don't need to jump the gun.  But maybe now is the time to take that first step towards home buying.

Saying No

The hardest part of our journey to getting out of debt and back on our feet is saying "no" to family and friends.  We want to spend time with everyone, but it's hard to say, "no, we can't go out and eat at that nice restaurant tonight" or saying, "no, we can't come visit this month."  It's so difficult.  It breaks my heart to tell those I love that we cannot go out and do fun things.  It hurts even worse to tell them I cannot see them.

When you are trying to get out of debt, and your biggest feat is a lack of income, you have to prioritize your time and money.  Soon, we'll be paying back my student loan debt.  We've just established Baby Step #1 in building a $1000 emergency fund.  Yes, we will have income coming in soon.  But we still have bills to pay and a savings to build up for a home.  We have to put money into maintenance on our car.  We have been very lucky that my parents have paid for the car insurance.  We would like that to end.  We also need to save up money so that we can have health insurance.  Gas is super expensive - so traveling is just not in the hand we've been dealt right now.

I know family and friends are not in our shoes, so they don't see it like we do.  I know they don't mean any harm.  But there comes a point in time where they get tired of hearing "sorry, no."  We've tried to balance everything the best we can.  It's just hard to please everyone.  I wish that people would give us a little more time.  It isn't like we don't appreciate our family and friends.  We want to spend as much time as possible with each and every one of them.  But we just cannot afford it.  Everyone else is established in their lives.  We've cut back drastically.  This year is dedicated to getting on our feet.  I know many people don't understand it completely.  I try to stay in touch through e-mails, Facebook, and phone calls. I try to explain that it isn't because I don't like them or that I'm not upset with them.  But here is the time where that brick wall hits.  They think we don't want them in our lives because we cannot afford to travel.  They think we don't want to spend time with them because we never go out with them.  And it's always the same reason:  we cannot afford it right now.  When that time comes, it's hard on everyone.  Others see this as an excuse.  We say will come see them as soon as we can afford it - but it comes across like broken, empty promises - even though it is genuine.  After all, how many times does it take before you get tired of hearing the same excuse?

I'm not upset with anyone because I understand how they feel.  At times, I'm at a loss for what to say.  Some individuals have been pretty harsh towards us.  Some have created a huge fiasco over it that I have officially pulled myself away.  It makes me feel bad when they refuse to see things from my point of view.  It isn't like debt is going to go away overnight.  It isn't like we'll have extra money to spend in a snap.  But here's a great perspective that I have....

My father once told me, "it's more convenient to see everyone else than it is for them to see you."  This is a sarcastic comment.  It means that some people expect YOU to go out of your way to see THEM.  Not once does it cross their minds to say, "I know they've hit a rough patch financially.  Maybe I'll go see them and we can do something that doesn't cost money."

Dave Ramsey talked about this on one of his talk shows.  He said that there comes a time where you have to start saying no if you want to get out of debt.  You have to learn how to say no to people.  It is easy to rack up debt and blow money when you go out with the people you enjoy being around.  Think about it.  A couple of close friends ask you to go out one night.  What happens?  You are more inclined to spend money you cannot risk spending.  You might buy an adult beverage to be social.  You might go to a nice restaurant and spend $12-15 on your meal.  You might feel more inclined to go out to see a movie.  That money adds up - especially when you have an "income problem."

Not everyone is going to understand.  It's a hard road to travel.  But you have to keep telling yourself, "this will all be worth it in the end."  Don't fall back into old habits.  Now is the time to keep pressing forward.  Later on, those who truly care will see where you have been and what you accomplished.  There will be a day where you won't have to worry about gas for traveling.  When that day comes, everyone will see it.  You won't have to say anything.  For those that don't get it when that day arrives... well, you can decide where the relationship will go from there.

Oh My Golly Gee Wiz!

I must say that I really do love 2012!  Travis got the job he applied for, so right now, he is finishing up the mandatory tests, background check, la di da.  I had a bit of a run-in with my financial aid.  It still hasn't shown up in the mail yet, which is super frustrating.  In order to keep my financial aid, I had to register for 6 credit hours instead of only 4.  That means I would have to complete 300 hours at my internship.  I asked my supervisor, and she said that worked great for her!  I'm super happy it all worked out.  Plus, I freaking LOVE my job at the zoo.  Right now, I'm making training videos.  It is super fun because I get to see all the animals up close.  Sorry, I cannot post pictures.  It's against the policy.  But let me tell you, I've pretty much gotten over my fear of snakes. haha!

This has become a fantastic month as well.  Previously, I applied to 1 job here in town.  I was not expecting to get a call back.  Last week, I was offered an interview.  I just came back from it.  The job sounds great.  I know I would enjoy it.  I don't know if it is something I really want to do, but hey, it's a job!  I'd be an administrative/marketing assistant that helps with their social media sites.  Definitely a job that is in my niche.  The great thing about it was that out of 155 applicants, they only chose the top ten applicants they liked for an interview.  Yup, that's right kiddos.  I was one of them!  My interview blunder:  I totally under-sold myself.  They asked what I would expect in compensation on an hourly basis.  Uh... I probably should have thought about that.  I'm so used to being told how much I make.  I didn't take into consideration how much I expect to get paid hourly.  I figured for salary, maybe $30-$40,000.  Yeah.... ::cringes:: I said $10-$13/hour, but I would have to think about it more depending on the amount of work I would be doing.  YIKES!   I sold myself short by $10!  ::facepalm::  I feel like crawling under a rock.  But who knows, maybe they'll see that I am genuine.  Maybe they'll pay me a decent wage for my work if they hire me, not the low-ball price I said.  And who knows, maybe everyone else was asking for a much higher wage and the interviewers tuned them out.  I still cannot believe I did that.  I have to keep reminding myself... this is a big kid job!  Not some side, part-time gig to make ends meet.  GAH, I'm worth more than that!

However, I did get offered a job that might pay more.  I was invited to an interview with one of the top ten companies to work for in Fort Wayne, IN.  The position is a Recruiting Coordinator/Client Support position.  They found me through Monster.com.  We'll see where the wind takes me.  It would be nice to have options available.  Besides, I'm really blessed.  Two offers for an interview when I wasn't really trying to look for a job... that's pure blessings.  So many people out there are struggling to find a job.  My heart goes out to them.  It's such a scary position to be in.  Even if I do not get either of these jobs, I still remember to count my blessings.  I was offered TWO interviews.  Let's just say that I'm worth more than I originally thought I was.  That, my friends, makes all the difference.

So, to make me feel a little better, anyone want to share their greatest interview blunders? :P

Where Are We Going? Who Cares, Let's Dance!

I didn't find a work study position.  But that's ok.  I got things worked out with the financial aid office.  Right now, I'm just focused on getting through this semester.  It is rather chaotic.  Doing 18 credit hours worth of work, two intensive writing courses, two astronomy classes (I'm not that great at science)... plus I'm trying to figure out an internship for next semester.

Travis and I have been having a mini-identity crisis.  We have no idea what we are going to do with our lives.  Choosing a career is such a HUGE decision.  It isn't something to just take lightly.  After having some disappointment with Trav's job, he's made the decision to go to college.  We are going to be sticking around Bloomington just a little longer.  He's been fancying a nationally recognized program at Indiana University.  I think it fits him perfectly.  I think... wait, I know he will be happy in this field.  He is interested in two majors.  I don't think he can double major - but the majors are so similar, a lot of the courses can be counted for both.  So until he finds his niche, he won't be sacrificing years at college if he chooses to do one major over the other.  The majors are a B.S. in Park & Recreation Management and a B.S. in Outdoor Recreation and Resource Management.  Getting set up for next year is actually on Trav's To-Do List for today!  This will be exciting!  

What am I going to do?  Well I have no idea.  I won't lie.  Not long ago, I attended a networking night on campus.  I met a gentleman from a local publishing company.  It is a fast growing publishing company!  As I talked with him, the company sounded better and better.  It literally fit everything I desire in a career.  I asked the gentleman about internships.  He responded saying that the company does not believe in un-paid internships.  That sounds amazing, right?  Well, due to budgeting, they do not have room currently for interns.  I was crushed.  I need an internship to graduate next semester.  I am really looking to intern for a company where I could be hired on full-time.  This publishing company has multiple job openings.  The hours are a typical 8-5 shift, but starting and ending times can vary once in a while.  Even though they are not hiring interns, they are hiring full-time positions.  What would be the harm in applying now anyways?  I have really no commitments next semester.  

The problem:  I still need 20 hours a week in an internship (Rabble Rabble).  So, I did a lot of research these past few days.  I have a strong interest for genealogy.  I've been exposed to genealogy since I was a wee-little thing.  I have a passion for research.  I contemplated going to graduate school, but I am afraid I will over-qualify myself for the careers that I want.  I really feel like my only desire to continue to graduate school is my love for writing and research.  Well... if I apply for a position with a publishing company - I satisfy my writing passion.  Where could I get the research?  Genealogy!  I looked online for the genealogical library here in Bloomington.  They hire interns and are in need for volunteers all the time!  They have flexible scheduling, because they expect that majority of interns and volunteers work during the day!  Why, this is perfect!  They are not open on Sunday or Monday, but they are open on Fridays and Saturdays.  I could dedicate a lot of hours on Fridays and Saturdays (when they need people most) to an internship!  I could work in Event Planning or the Genealogical Library.  I really like this idea!

So today, I am meeting with the career center on campus.  I have so many questions to ask.  I'd also like them to review my resume and help me with cover letters.  I have such a difficult time selling myself.  Maybe it's because of a lack of direction and/or self-confidence and fear of rejection.  I don't know.  But I always blow it on interviews.  I practice with family and friends - and I do great practicing interviews.  Yet, the moment arises to hand over my resume and tell the possible employer about myself, and I fumble.  More than likely, I'm going to need another appointment with the career advisor.  But I'm super excited to at least talk to someone today about my career objectives.  We'll see how it goes.

Oh yeah!  I haven't updated the stats, but we paid off another medical bill!!  YAY!  And we have more money in our emergency fund!  We still have a ways to go, but we're getting closer!  

Happy dance! 

happy dance+animation pics on Sodahead

Opportunities, but What Path Should I Take?

Well, I have put out my resumes for work study positions.  I have to have a work study set by September 30th!  YIKES!  I'm just waiting to hear back from these people.  As of yesterday, the IDS school newspaper and student media has scheduled an orientation for me:  Thursday, September 22nd at 7 PM.  This should be fun!  It's definitely ideal, since afterall, I'll get to play around with many more interactive programs for the internet and come up with fun blog and website ideas.  I know I'll like it.

However, I had my heart set on a work study position at this theater here in town.  It is a historic theater, and the work study positions were as assistants in public relations and marketing.  It is totally up my alley.  I would love this.  But they haven't e-mailed me or called me back all week.  I'm bummed.  But who knows, maybe they'll ask for me to join their crew later?  This ideal situation has me thinking....

I will not turn away this position with the IDS school newspaper and student media.  As a matter of fact, it is a paying job.  But they work with the university, so I can do my work study there.  AWESOME!  But what if... what if the theater calls me up and says that they want to hire me as their work study assistant?  I don't know if I could switch work study jobs.... My ideal situation would be to set up the IDS as a work study position.  Then IF the theater hires me, I'd like to switch my work study position to the theater (because they only hire work-study), and take the IDS as a part time job.  If I did that... I would have to quit my job at Five Guys.

I won't lie.  Quitting Five Guys sounds awesome because the work is just not my cup of tea.  I needed a job.  I got the job.  I established great relationships there.  I haven't worked there long, but I really like the crew (some of them) and my bosses.  One of my bosses is one of my references.  I would hate to lose a good reference by being a short-term employee.  I've been there for about a month and a half.  To put my 2 weeks notice in (IF I get the theater job) now... I feel like I'm cheating on them!  Why?!  I have no idea.  But there is no way I could do 18 credit hours in school and work 3 jobs.  No. Way.  Besides, the IDS position and the theater are in my field of studies.... Five Guys is not.

So, I am kind of worried.  I would hate to let everyone at Five Guys down.  I'd hate to leave them.  But I will have to if these opportunities present themselves.  And, I'm worried about what that will do to my references....  Also, there is an incentive to stay.... a chance at $1000 (which is highly likely due to our scores) at the end of the quarter.  An extra $1000 on my last paycheck there would be super nice.


Other than that, we're still kickin' it.  We've got all the bills caught up.  We're doing alright.  I'm a little bit behind on my school work.  I'm going to get serious about catching up this weekend.  Luckily, nothing is going on this weekend that will prevent me from spending a lot of time reading.