Thursday, June 12, 2014

My Very First Tattoo

Welp, I got that tattoo! My very first one!  And it's perfect. I love it. And now, I want more! Here's my beauty:


Honestly, it did not hurt nearly as bad as I thought it would.  I don't know what I was expecting.... Like, I figured I'd walk in, and they'd laugh at me for being this itty bitty little thing.  Or that it was going to hurt so bad, I'd cry.  It tickled in spots, I didn't feel it at all in others, but man, I did feel it when he was working on my shoulder blade!!  But all in all, it was a fun experience and I'd love to get another one.

Some people have asked me why, and this tattoo has such a long, complicated meaning for me that it is too long to describe everything in a short, simple, and sweet way.  So I am going to tell you what everything means in my tattoo.

For starters, it's obviously a dreamcatcher.  I chose to have a dreamcatcher because, growing up, I always had a dreamcatcher.  My mother is very big into superstitions, and she still held some of the beliefs that her Native American grandmother held.  So of course, I growing up, had a dreamcatcher always beside my bed.

I chose the wolves in the dreamcatcher because I use to have this intense, scary reoccurring dream of a wolf with bright green eyes.  This dream scared the living daylights out of me.  The wolf was always calm towards me and never hurt me, but this wolf always hurt a family member or a friend of mine.  When I say hurt, I mean kill.  It haunted me.  I wanted the dream to go away.  But, someone once told me that wolves are a powerful spiritual guide.  He told me I needed to listen to the wolf and pay attention.  After that, no joke, I noticed this wolf was hurting people that ended up hurting me in real life.  It was like a premonition.  Either they hurt me physically, emotionally, or verbally.  When I realized this, I found the wolf to be much less haunting and scary.  I saw this wolf as a protector.  The wolf was protecting me against those that would hurt me.  Once I got older and started decorating my room with wolves, I stopped having the dreams.  I still have wolf decor in my home.  I do believe that the wolf is my guide - my guardian.

The reason why I chose to only have the green eyes in color is because I will never forget the grey/silver wolf in my dream and its bright green eyes staring directly at me.  It was mesmerizing.  I actually kind of miss it.  This is where it might get a little weird.  Ironically, green eyes are a recessive trait in my family.  Only 3 people in my family that I know have green eyes.  They are my sister, my great-aunt Juanita, and my grandmother Oleda.  Oleda passed away when I was 2 years old.  I never had the pleasure of meeting her.  I strongly do believe that Oleda is watching over me.  She was feisty and fierce.  She always protected children, no matter what.  I will never forget the stories that I heard about her.  Growing up, I knew my grandmother and her strong love for me and my sister, and how she protected children.  My great-aunts and my mother and my aunt told me stories about her and reminded me all the time of how much she loved me and she'd always watch out for me.  And because of that, I believe she is my guardian angel... my spiritual guide... my wolf with green eyes watching out for me.  She's always got my back (hence the placement on my shoulder blade).

Wolves are also a very beautiful creature.  Wolves have 1 mate their whole life.  They take care of their "family" or their pack.  They always stick together and they even mourn when a member of their pack is lost.  They are also very caring and loving parents.  As you notice, this wolf is not alone.  This wolf has a baby with her.

Typically, feathers on a dreamcatcher symbolize breath and air - which are of course essential to life.  I chose the owl feathers because, as some traditional dreamcatchers are designed, owl feathers are a feminine feather (eagle feather for masculinity).  Owl feathers also represent wisdom.  I chose to have 3 feathers.  One feather for each baby that I have lost.  Each feather symbolizes those little lives that I carried for such a short while.

This tattoo is symbolic of my grandmother watching over and protecting my little angels who are no longer with me.

Some say "why so depressing?" But I don't think it is.  I am never going to forget my angels.  I'm happy to know that my grandmother is taking care of them in Heaven.  It's a happy reminder that my babies aren't alone.  And it's commemorative of my grandmother and my babies who played such a huge part in helping me become the person that I am today.  I'm in love with it.  It makes me smile.

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