I can't help fight this funk. I was pregnant before - and it was bad timing, and at first, I was upset. But then I finally became ok with it and excited about it. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage this past April. Ever since, I've been in this funk. My husband and I are in no place to start TTC. We're re-building our nest right now. But I have baby fever - BAD.
My husband has noticed it. He keeps reminding me that now is just not the time. He says one day, we will have a home and start a family. I just can't help fight this feeling - I'm impatient. It's like my biological clock is ticking (and I'm only 24!). Everyone around me is having babies. One of my friends is due Oct. 29 - two days after my baby's due date. It literally aches seeing her updates. Don't get me wrong, I'm am incredibly happy for all my friends. But I'm not exaggerating when I say I had 7 friends tell me in the same week that they are all expecting. I can't help but feel jealous. They all want to talk to me about all the great updates on their pregnancies, and I am happy for them that all is going well. But, I can't help feeling sad at the same time. Like today, I just found out that my cousin in-law is having baby #2. He and his girlfriend moved into this nice 3 bedroom home. He invited my husband and I over, and the moment I stepped into his house, saw all the baby toys, saw the house coming together.... I had to take a moment to step outside and breathe. I felt like I was just going to bawl. I'm so glad that everything is working out for them, but I just wish my life was in a better place for my hubster and I.
I know it wasn't in the cards we were dealt. We were given a tough hand. But I can't help feeling like I should be where they are by now. I should have a career, a home, and be starting a family too. But no... I'm waiting and trying to get everything all worked out now. I know we're going about this the right way. I know I'm doing the smart thing. The feelings are just eating me alive right now, and I just can't escape them.